Tips for Finding and Choosing the Right Life Coach for You

A few suggestions on the Path to a Life Coach

Excerpt from "Seeking Advice", pages 213-217 from Being Centered, Spirit Unleashed^TM Publications, Miami, 2007. Copyright © 2007 by Roman Oleh Yaworsky. All rights reserved.
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Seeking Advice

"Many people, at one time or another, seek advice or begin a longer process of transformation with the help of someone who is skilled and who has made that journey themselves. I have not found much, already written, to help people in their search for such guidance, so I have included some advice here.

As silly as it sounds, you would not go to a bricklayer to paint your office, or a landscaper to fix your plumbing, yet people often seek help in a time of crisis or transition without determining if they are choosing the right type of life coach, counselor or practitioner. It is important to figure out, at least in a general way, what it is that you need.

Once you have a clearer sense of what you need to do and what advice or support will help you, then, you will be starting out on the right foot. In this way, the advice takes you forward and you can know whether it is beneficial for you, whether it works for you and whether it is something that you need. Otherwise, you risk being pulled away from what you need and pulled towards what other people think you need.

Preparing yourself

Before you seek life coaching, it is helpful to prepare yourself for receiving coaching. Contemplate what it is that you are seeking. It may help going for a walk to give yourself time to figure out what is troubling you, or what you are searching for. If you can, determine what is not working for you and what a solution to your issue may look like. Get a sense of your present situation and of where you may need to go.

If you do not know where to start, the next sections will help you begin this process.

Three steps

The first step is to listen to your heart and determine what it is you are feeling and what your heart is telling you. From knowing what is in your heart, comes clarity and openness to receiving the coaching offered. It can also protect you from having yourself pulled away from your own best interests.

Of course, at times it may be difficult to figure out what is in your heart if your emotions and reactions are at play. In this case, someone you trust can help identify what you really want, where your feelings lie, and what it may be that you need. Remember that you are seeking your own clarity, so continue to check what is in your heart and what it is that you need. The process of seeking advice is best when it supports you in knowing what is in your heart and takes you towards effective outward action.

The second step in seeking advice is to listen, without judgment or interference, to the advice you are being given. You cannot receive advice unless you are open to listening.

The third step is to test what you have received against what your heart feels is appropriate for you. Does the advice move you forward? Does it feel good? Does the advice truly move you towards freedom? What are you gaining? What are you losing? Is your inner child happy with the new directions? Also, assess the consequences and the effect of the proposed changes — are they beneficial? Check to see if the advice received is supporting taking responsibility or giving it away, taking power or giving it away.

After you have prepared yourself and found that the advice is beneficial, are you ready to act on it? What is holding you back?

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Choosing the right means

In order to move forward, in order to let go of what holds you back, it is important to keep checking that the methods you choose aren’t sabotaging the process and returning you towards being stuck all over again. This is very important.

Often, people who are ready to move forward feel raw and vulnerable, and they may not be in the best circumstances from which to choose the directions and offerings most beneficial for them. There are many support systems, some costly, that provide varying returns for the effort. Some actually can set you back, because they steal the opportunity for your healing had you chosen the right life coaching experience in the first place. It is important that you find a process that fits your needs and that will help your growth, rather than wasting your time and energy adapting to a process.

It is therefore important to choose wisely. For starters, get second opinions. If you are contemplating starting a long series of sessions with a life coach, first try out three different coaches, in order to evaluate whom you trust and who seems to offer what you need.

Consider spending a tenth of the total amount set aside for your life coaching on finding the right person. Often, this can save you a great deal of money, time and effort. More importantly, it can save the opportunity to move forward. Do not get caught in the trap of feeling obligated in continuing with a life coach only because you have already started with him. In fact, if you feel caught, that of itself may be a message for you to rethink your choice.

Consider making three appointments with three different life coaches. It may be possible to schedule three short and free evaluative interviews – find out. The more you find out at the very beginning, the further ahead you will soon be. After evaluating each life coach, you are likely to be in a better position to make up your mind as to which coach better fits your needs.

Here are some things to consider as you start out. Later, you may want to see how these apply to your sessions:

1. Have you chosen the right life coaching process? It is important that you find a life coaching process that fits your needs, rather than wasting time and energy fitting yourself to a process. Many techniques and skills are available that parallel different stages and needs for your goals. Find out early if the process you are starting is working for you. If not, inquire what is available that is closer to what you need.

2. In your heart, do you trust this life coach? Is she reaching out to you from her heart? Do you sense or feel that she presents herself as she is, with integrity and honesty, or, is she hiding behind technique, professionalism or rules? If you don’t trust her now, how will you be able to trust her with your deepest feelings later in the process?

3. Does this person have courage? Is she capable and willing to go with you to the depths of your issue and help you move forward, or is she hiding behind rules, technique and methodology. Do you sense she has moved through her own issues? Has she solved her own problems? If someone you have chosen to help you is afraid of going past where you need help, then how is she going to help you?

4. Is this person asking you to adapt? Adapting is not the same as moving forward and it can more likely be a setback. This can be the case if your progress is measured by how much you have adapted to a system or set of techniques. Trust your heart. Trust your own sense of whether you are making progress with these techniques or whether you need to go elsewhere.

5. Does the life coach seem to be integrated as a person? Often, when people come from their core or center they are effective and tend not to push your buttons. They are clear and direct. They manifest no sense of neediness or control.

6. Is there a two-way exchange of power? The Life Coach is sharing his will and courage with you because you need support. What are the indications that he has your best interests at heart? Is he willing, able and likely to help support the strengthening of your will and courage? Ideally, you are not to be dependent on him at the end of the process. Is he willing to support your self-independence or is he making you dependent?

Remember to ask yourself, “What am I doing here? Is this for me? Am I getting the life coaching that I need or am I adapting to what is offered? Am I repeatedly being told that what I am waiting for will happen later? Do I have the sense, at each moment, that this is a beneficial process for me?”

You must take responsibility for the whole process. Otherwise, if you give away your responsibility, then, who is the life coaching for? "

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